Stop negotiating everything from scratch. Start building a family operating system that actually works—for both careers, your partnership, and your sanity.
You divided the tasks. You had the conversations. So why does it still feel like you're carrying everything? Watch this to hear what actually is going on.
About who does what. Who sacrifices more. Whose career matters more.
You thought becoming parents together would bring you closer.
Instead, you're:
Negotiating every decision from scratch—whose meeting is more important, who stays home when the kid is sick, who remembers to schedule the dentist
Keeping score of who did more, who gave up more, whose career took the hit
Resenting each other even though you both love your kids and want this to work
Exhausted by the mental load of managing it all while your partner seems blissfully unaware of what it takes to keep family life running
You've tried talking about it.
You've tried being more flexible.
You've tried "just making it work."
But here you are—still stuck in the same patterns, still having the same fights, still feeling like you're failing at the one partnership that matters most.
Here's What Nobody Tells You
The system you're parenting in was designed for one breadwinner and one caregiver. When you try to force two ambitions and a parenting situation that requires a LOT into that outdated structure, something breaks. Usually the relationship, or someone's career. Sometimes both.
Research shows that most dual-career couples who start out intending to build an egalitarian partnership find themselves, by midcareer, in a very different reality: Women end up with lower career priority and higher domestic loads than they intended, while the opposite holds for men, who havn't spent time with their kids the way they wanted to.
You're not exhausted just because of the laundry and the cooking.
You're exhausted because you're carrying two types of mental load:
The logistical mental load: Remembering to schedule dentist appointments, buying winter clothes before the cold hits, signing up for swimming lessons before they fill up, coordinating pickups and dropoffs.
Yes, that's already tiring (and something he is often not thinking about, maybe just helping execute)
But here's what's really breaking you:
The developmental mental load: Tracking your child's actual wellbeing. Is that behavior pattern something to worry about? Do they need more emotional support? Are their friendships healthy? Are they hitting milestones? Should we be concerned about that recurring stomachache?
You're the only one lying awake wondering:
- If your 4-year-old's tantrums are normal or a sign they need more support
- Whether your 8-year-old's quiet withdrawal means something's wrong
- If your parenting approach is building resilience or anxiety
- Whether you should get an evaluation for that thing you've been noticing
The logistical mental load is exhausting.
The developmental mental load: the weight of your child's long-term wellbeing, is what's crushing you.
And even if your partner is involved in executing tasks, helping with logistics, and sharing some planning, if you're the only one carrying the developmental mental load, it still feels deeply unequal.
Because you're the only one who feels truly responsible for whether your child thrives. Not just today. Ten years from now.
This is why no amount of task-splitting makes you feel less alone.
You don't just need help with logistics. You need to share the responsibility for the thing that matters most: your child's wellbeing and development.
Here's the kicker: Only 9% of the 51% of couples who want an egalitarian relationship actually achieve it (Dutch CPB data). That means ~80% of dual-career couples are living with a painful mismatch between what they hoped for and what their reality looks like.
Why?
The system wasn't designed for shared accountability. Not for logistics, and definitely not for the deep developmental work of raising children.
This isn't personal failure. This is a predictable outcome of trying to run a 21st-century family using a 1950s operating system.
But here's what companies figured out decades ago: When you're managing complex operations with multiple stakeholders and competing priorities, and you want to do that in an egalitarian way (think servant leadership/flat hierarchies) you need a clear framework. You need defined roles, shared vision, strategic alignment, and accountability measures.
You need structure + Understanding
And that's exactly what successful dual-career families need too—but almost no one is talking about it.
The business framework for your most important partnership.
This isn't couples therapy. This isn't another "communicate better" workshop. This is a strategic planning tool: proven in business, adapted for families, that gives you the structure to finally align on how you want to run your family.
Just like successful companies use the Business Model Canvas to align on strategy, successful dual-career families need the same intentional approach to:
✅ Stop re-negotiating everything from scratch
✅ Make explicit choices about your career model
✅ Divide roles and responsibilities with actual accountability
✅ Create shared vision instead of operating from different assumptions
✅ Build systems that work for your actual lives, not some idealized version
The Family Model Canvas gives you 11 essential components to map out your family operating system—together.
Here's what makes this approach so powerful:
Your partner uses strategic planning, clear roles, accountability frameworks, and structured decision-making EVERY SINGLE DAY at work. They're an expert at it.
When they say they "can't think strategically about family" or "don't know how to approach this"—the Canvas gently holds up a mirror:
You already have these skills. You use them successfully 30+ hours a week.
The business methodology cuts through resistance in the most compassionate way possible. It's not about blame. It's about recognizing: If you can run a complex operation at work, you can absolutely apply that thinking to your most important partnership.
And when you do, something shifts: from participation to shared accountability. Not just for tasks, but for your child's wellbeing, your family's future, and the outcomes that actually matter.
And here's the paradox nobody talks about:
When family management is left to "flow naturally"—when you avoid structure because "family should be about love, not processes"—what actually flows is chaos, resentment, and the mental load straight onto one person's shoulders.
The structure isn't instead of love. The structure protects the space FOR love.
When logistics are handled strategically, you stop fighting about the same things over and over. You FREE UP energy for what you actually want: connecting, being present, enjoying each other.
26-page strategic workbook
A complete, step-by-step framework covering:
Family Values: Your decision-making criteria (so you stop relitigating every choice)
Family Vision: Where you're actually heading (so you can evaluate opportunities against shared goals)
Current Career Model: The three research-backed models for dual-career families (and which one you're actually using vs. which one you want)
Roles & Responsibilities: Roles & Responsibilities: Who is accountable for what at home, against which standards? (Moving from participation to shared accountability)
Relationship Fire: How to keep your partnership strong while navigating this intense season of parenting
Key Rituals: The daily, weekly, and annual rituals that actually make family life 'yours'
Communication Channels: Your "project management system" for family life
Equality Accountability: How to measure what matters (because what gets measured gets managed)
Growth Edge: Individual development plans—for BOTH of you
Support Network: Your "supplier ecosystem" (childcare, household help, emergency backup)
Money: Financial situation and capital allocation for your family
Each section includes:
Clear explanations of why this matters (often research-backed)
Concrete exercises to complete together
Business parallels that make the framework immediately understandable and applicable
33-minute pre-recorded webinar
Understanding the three research-backed career models for dual-career families:
Primary-Secondary
Turn-Taking
Double-Primary
You'll learn:
The common traps couples fall into (like claiming equality while living primary-secondary by default)
How to identify your ACTUAL model vs. your STATED model
The pitfalls in career decision-making (and how to avoid them)
What each model requires to work sustainably
Based on research by an INSEAD professor, and applied Harvard at work series.
Return to your Canvas:
When career opportunities arise
When you have another child
When circumstances change
For quarterly reviews (just like businesses do)
This isn't a "do once and forget" tool. It's your living family operating system.
For when conversations get stuck
The exact questions to ask your partner for each Canvas section, including:
How to surface unspoken assumptions
What to do when you disagree on fundamental values
How to navigate the "whose career wins?" conversation without keeping score
Scripts for the sticky points (money, mental load, career ambition)
Red flag responses and how to handle them
The "business vs. love" objection (and how to reframe it)
Use this when:
A conversation gets heated or stuck
Your partner resists a particular section
You hit a fundamental disagreement
You need exact words for tricky topics
A one-page overview to give your partner BEFORE you start the Canvas together. For when you feel wobbly about even starting the conversation, and don't want to do the convincing.
This:
Is directly written for your partner
Explains why a business framework actually works for families
Sets expectations for the work involved
Gets buy-in by showing what's in it for them
Makes it clear this isn't about blame—it's about building something better
The couples I see thriving aren't the ones "going with the flow."
They're the ones who've gotten intentional. Who've created systems. Who've had the hard conversations and made explicit decisions about how they want to structure their lives.
They've stopped letting default patterns and societal expectations run their family.
They've taken back control.
The Family Model Canvas gives you the framework to do the same.
This is any couple where both partners have some form of ambition/career outside the sole caretaking job for their childeren. This can look like both full-time, a full-/part-time mix, a 'swapping of career priorities every so often. The framework is indifferent about your setup (and will help you define the right one for you), as long as it is strategically deciced and agreed upon by both partners in the relationship.
The only situation that doesn't classify is if one person wants to be home with the kids for the indefinite future and the other wants to be the breadwinner for the indefinite future, and you're both ok with that. Or you both work just to earn enough to have bread on the table but you have zero interest in working beyond the paycheck.
Equality is not a formula, it's a feeling. As long as you both agree that you aspire to have an 'equal' relationship, this framework is for you (sorry trad's). The framework will never define what equality is, it will merely facilitate the conversation between both partners to come up with your own definition, and structure your reality accordingly. And it's totally normal that equality is not achieved in every moment, as long as you feel it is equal over time.
✅ You both (want to) pursue careers / ambitions you care about
✅ You want to share both the logisitcal as well as develop(mental) load
✅ You have young children (0-12 years old) or are planning to
✅You care about a form of equality in your relationship (does not have to be 50-50)
✅ You're tired of the constant negotiations about who does what
✅ You want to make strategic career & family decisions together, not reactive ones
✅ You want a loving and stable relationship with your partner
✅ You're ready to treat your family with the same strategic thinking you bring to work
❌ You're looking for a quick fix (this requires a minimum of a couple hours of focused work together, can be split over sessions)
❌ One partner isn't willing to participate (have you checked out the partner prep bonus??)
❌ You're totally fine with how things are going
❌ You prefer "going with the flow" to strategic planning
❌ You're expecting this to solve deeper relationship issues that need therapy
Why The Family Model Canvas Works When Other Approaches Don't
Most relationship advice tells you to "communicate more" or "be more flexible."
That's like telling a struggling company to "just work harder" without addressing their broken business model. It doesn't work.
The Family Model Canvas is different because it:
Addresses the STRUCTURE, not just the symptoms
You're not fighting about dishes. You're fighting because you don't have a shared operating model.
Applies proven business methodology
Companies figured out decades ago that complex operations need strategic frameworks. Your family is a complex operation.
Cuts through the "I can't" excuses with gentle clarity
When your partner uses strategic planning, clear roles, and accountability measures EVERY DAY at work—they can't credibly say they "don't know how" or "can't think that way" at home. The business framework holds up a mirror: You already have these skills. Let's use them where it matters most.
Reframes "business thinking" as the loving choice
Here's the paradox: When you DON'T have structure for family management—when you just try to "flow emotionally"—you get a LOT of emotion. Negative emotion. Resentment, frustration, exhaustion. When you take family logistics as seriously as business operations, you FREE UP space for what you actually want: connection, love, presence. The structure isn't instead of love. The structure protects the space FOR love.
Makes implicit explicit
Most couples operate on unspoken assumptions. This surfaces those assumptions and aligns you on what you're actually building together.
Provides language for difficult conversations
You finally have vocabulary for things you've felt but couldn't articulate.
Creates shared accountability without blame
When both partners feel truly accountable - not just for logistics, but for your child's development and your family's wellbeing - you finally have a real partnership. The Canvas makes this shift from participation to accountability visible and actionable.
This is business strategy for your most important partnership.
What You Get:
The Matermorphosis Family Model Canvas© Framework (26-page workbook)
Career Models Decoded Masterclass (33-minute video)
The Troubleshooting Guide (for when conversations get stuck)
Partner Prep Sheet (to get your partner on board)
Lifetime access to all materials and updates
When You Complete the Canvas Together, You'll Have:
Shared accountability for your child's wellbeing and your family's success (not just divided tasks)
Explicit values that guide your decisions (no more re-litigating everything)
A shared vision for what success looks like in 5-10 years
A clear, chosen career model (not the default one you drifted into)
Defined roles with actual accountability
Communication systems that work for your lives
Quarterly check-in framework (like a business board meeting for your family)
Continue negotiating every decision from scratch. Keep score of who sacrifices more. Watch resentment slowly build while you hope it will somehow get better. Risk waking up in 5 years wondering why you drifted so far from what you both wanted.
Cost: potentiallt your partnership, potentially your career, definitely your peace of mind.
Invest a couple hours and €77 to create a shared operating system for your family. Stop letting default patterns run your life. Build something together that actually works for both of your careers, your family, your partnership, and your values—with shared accountability, not just divided tasks.
Cost: €77 and the willingness to have difficult conversations.
The system is broken. Your dual-career family doesn't have to be.
If you complete the Canvas with your partner and genuinely feel it didn't provide value, I'll refund your €77. No questions asked (besides showing me a pic of your completed canvas).
Why? Because I'm confident that if you do the work, you'll see results. The only way this doesn't help is if you don't use it.
Hi, I'm Babette Lockefeer.
I'm a former McKinsey consultant, Alibaba Leadership Traineeship graduate, and founder of two companies: TheoryY—where I help organizations build trust-based cultures, and Matermorphosis.
But more importantly, I'm a mother of three, married to a loving and ambitious partner, and have navigated the impossible complexity of dual-career life across two countries and three very different circumstances.
I know what it's like to have a demanding career AND I have been navigating the complete identity shift of matrescence now three times. I've felt the overwhelm, the resentment, the constant negotiations. I've watched brilliant, capable women shrink their ambitions because they couldn't figure out how to make it all work. (And I have wanted to quit, for real).
And I realized: We're applying the wrong logic.
I've spent eight years as a licensed leadership development facilitator, working with executives on leadership transformation. I hold certifications in the Leadership Circle, Positive Intelligence, and group process facilitation.
And here's what I know: The values-aligned, systems-critical, and strategic planning work that makes organizations successful? That's exactly what dual-career families need.
The Family Model Canvas applies the strategic thinking I've used with Fortune 500 companies to help families do what most couples never do: get strategic about how they actually want to live.
I want every family to live a life that is full of love, potential, joy and equality. Because we aren't there yet. The rat-race, the disbalance, the 'hyper-nervous society', the high amount of divorces. We've got work to do, and I hope my work helps with that.
This is the most common initial resistance, and the most important one to address.
Here's the reality: When you DON'T have structure for family management, you get MORE emotion, not less. Negative emotion.
I recently facilitated the Canvas with dual-career couples—partners at law firms, directors at banks, consultants. Successful people who run complex operations every day. You know what they said at first?
"But business is about rationality and family is about emotions. This feels too transactional."
Here's what they said after:
"We've been having the same fights for YEARS. This structure finally let us resolve them instead of just feeling our way through the same conflict over and over."
And here's what really shifts the conversation:
These same people use strategic planning, clear roles, RACI frameworks, and accountability measures EVERY SINGLE DAY at work. They're experts at it.
When you apply that same thinking to family, they can't credibly say "I don't know how to think strategically" or "I can't work with frameworks."
The business methodology does something powerful: it gently holds up a mirror.
You already have these skills. You use them successfully 30+ hours a week. The Canvas simply invites you to apply them to what matters most.
The structure isn't instead of love. The structure protects the space FOR love.
When family logistics are handled strategically—with clear roles, shared vision, and systems that work—you stop spending all your energy fighting about who does what. You FREE UP space for what you actually want: connecting, being present, enjoying each other.
The couples who look like they're effortlessly "doing it all"? They're not magically balanced. They're investing intentionally in structure—just proactively instead of reactively.
Give them the Partner Prep Sheet first. It explains why strategic thinking actually HELPS relationships rather than making them feel transactional.
If they're still resistant, ask them this: "Are you happy with how we're making decisions right now? If not, are you willing to try a structured approach for 2 hours to see if it helps?"
Most partners who are skeptical at first become believers once they see how the framework helps you FINALLY align on things you've been arguing about for months.
The Canvas isn't just for couples in crisis. It's most powerful BEFORE resentment builds to critical levels.
Think of it like a business doing strategic planning—you don't wait until you're failing to create a strategy. You do it proactively to build something sustainable.
If you're noticing:
Career decisions are getting more complicated
Small disagreements about logistics are increasing
One of you feels you're sacrificing more
You're unsure how to make the next career move as a family
...then this is exactly the right time to use the Canvas.
Let me reframe this: Is €77 worth it to:
Stop having the same fight about invisible labor?
Make career decisions with confidence instead of resentment?
Create a system that works for your actual life?
Have a framework you can return to for years?
Compare it to:
One couples therapy session: €90-180
One month of arguing about who does what: Priceless (and soul-crushing)
Career sacrifices made without strategy: Hundreds of thousands over a lifetime
The cost of divorce if resentment keeps building: €15,000-50,000+
You're not buying pages and minutes. You're buying a framework that transforms how you run your family.
The Family Model Canvas takes a holistic approach specifically designed for dual-career families:
It explicitly addresses CAREER MODEL decisions where both partners care about their career (which is unique because its hardly ever adressed that way)
It includes strategic vision and values alignment
It provides business-style accountability frameworks
It integrates your individual growth edges, not just household management
It's specifically designed for ambitious dual-career parents juggling complex career decisions
Most importantly, the Canvas focuses on creating shared accountability: not just for who does the dishes, but for your child's development, your family's wellbeing, and the outcomes that matter. That's the shift that changes everything.
Other methods like Fair Play can be seen as tactical (who does the dishes), which is actually part of the framework because it does an excellent job at that. On top of that, the Family Model Canvas adresses the strategic (how do we structure our entire dual-career family system to support both careers AND an equal partnership).
Here's the thing: you already ARE running a complex operation with multiple stakeholders (you, your partner, your kids), limited resources (time, money, energy), competing priorities (career advancement, present parenting, relationship maintenance), and the need for strategic alignment.
The question isn't whether your family operates like an organization. It does. The question is: are you INTENTIONAL about how it operates?
The Canvas simply gives you structure for conversations you're probably already having (or avoiding). It won't make your family feel corporate—it'll make it feel less chaotic.
Absolutely not. I recommend taking it section by section. Some couples do 2-3 sections per week over a month. Others tackle one section when they have 30 minutes together. The key is to schedule follow-up conversations before you finish each session.
MINIMUM HOURS REQUIRED: 3-4. But spread out as you wish. (and likely, you will spend many many hours talking about this).
The Canvas isn't magic—it's a tool. If you work through it honestly and still can't align on fundamental values or goals, that's actually VALUABLE information.
It might mean:
You need couples therapy to address deeper issues
You need more time to process individually before coming back to it
You need support working through specific sections (that's what Mother on MY Terms is for)
But at least you'll know specifically WHERE you're misaligned, rather than arguing about surface-level logistics while the real issues remain unspoken.
Yes. The Canvas works for any committed partnership where both people are:
Raising children together (or planning to)
Both pursuing careers they care about
Sharing the logistics and responsibilities of family life
It's been used successfully by married couples, unmarried partners, and LGBTQ+ families. It's not about man - woman, it's about making your family life work for your unique situation.
The Canvas is included in the Mother on MY Terms program, so you don't need to purchase it separately. However, you might want to gift it to friends or couples in your life who aren't ready for the full program but need the family structure piece.
Mostly: research. I use a whole variety of excellent books, approaches and scientific research (of course with full referencing and credit where credit is due). I overlay that with my own insights about how businesses are run, and the common issues that are coming up in families.
Let me guess—you're thinking "My partner will never go for this" or "We don't have time" or "Maybe we can figure it out on our own."
Here's what I know from working with ambitious dual-career mothers:
You will not "figure it out" without structure. You'll keep having the same fight, with slightly different details, for the next decade. Ask me how I know.
Your partner probably wants clarity too. They just don't know how to have the conversation. The Canvas gives you both the language and the framework—in business terms they already understand and use every day.
You DO have time—you just don't have time to waste. Every month you stay in this pattern is a month of resentment building, career opportunities missed, and partnership eroding. A couple hours now saves you years of struggle.
The question isn't whether you can afford €77 and a few hours.
The question is: what's it costing your dual-career family NOT to get intentional?