What is that potential that unlocks through motherhood?

Many people have a hunch that this motherhood thing has value beyond the raising of individual kids. Some matrescence activist voices have openly discussed that there is a lot of potential within matrescence. I’m strongly with that last group. I am deeply convinced that matrescence is a gift that, if supported, can alter a woman’s life path, unlocking and unveiling a lot of potential within her.

In a previous blog, I described the link between leadership development and matrescence. In this blog, I want to dive into WHAT exactly that potential, which is unlocked through development, can look like. The lens I’m using here is adult development theory. It has been my personal aha moment, six months into my first matrescence experience with my firstborn. I was attending a refresher professional development course in leadership development when the specific transformational pathway of leadership, as described by adult development theory, was used. I have always been fascinated by adult development theory; in fact, it was the reason I started my first company. In that course (which was one of the first days away from my newborn, still pumping during breaks), I realized that this transitional experience that I was in the midst of was the same pathway that they described in this leadership development setting. Back then, I had not heard of Matrescence. I couldn't place it in a bigger context. But I immediately knew that I was onto something.

Fast forward five years. I have done a lot of study into how motherhood and leadership relate. I want to share what we know about the potential that becomes available once leaders move through this transitional experience to the potential that can become available in mothers.

Before I dive in here, I want to reiterate again that this is a potential that can be unlocked, if the mother is supported and the external conditions are set up in the right way. Currently, as we are living in a capitalist society that does not value mothering, and with a lot of systemic barriers in place for mothers to thrive, this unlocking is not available to many women. And that is not their fault. It does mean that we have to unleash the power in those who are enabled to reach their potential to help fix these systemic inequalities so that in the future, all can tap into their potential and thrive.

The transformative shift in leaders and the potential it unlocks

When we become adults, we don't stop growing. The major shift we can make as adults is to start living from a place of self-guidance. All the talk about finding your purpose, self-development, etc that has become very popular in the last decades is a desire to undo ourselves from the conditioning that we have been growing up in, telling us how society expects us to live, work, parent, behave, etc. Below I describe what it looks like if a person makes that shift, based on the very well-studied field of leadership development.

The shift from a conditioned mindset to a self-guided mindset represents a profound transformation in how we approach life and leadership. In a conditioned state, we are often guided by deeply ingrained assumptions and external expectations that limit our sense of agency. This is built on a foundation of seeking security and avoiding failure, resulting in behaviors that constrain authentic self-expression and reduce effectiveness. The shift to a self-guided mindset allows us to transcend these limitations, enabling us to redefine our meaning-making processes and perceptions of success. We no longer reactively follow socialized norms but instead, question them. We begin to ask, “What do I truly want? Who am I beyond these external pressures?” This process leads to a clearer sense of purpose and direction, allowing us to live and lead with a greater sense of creativity, authenticity, and freedom.

As we transition to this self-guided mindset, new possibilities emerge in both personal and leadership realms. Instead of measuring our worth by how we are perceived by others or adhering to traditional definitions of success, we become more grounded in our own values, beliefs, and purpose. This internal alignment fosters a sense of empowerment, not only for ourselves but for those around us. Leaders who operate from a self-authoring perspective naturally shift towards sharing power, collaboration, and the development of others. Rather than seeing power as something to hold onto, it is shared, creating more engaged and dynamic teams. Self-expression, cooperation, and mutual empowerment become guiding principles, leading to leadership styles that are inclusive, creative, and focused on the collective well-being. It has been confirmed in numerous studies that this type of leadership is what makes leaders effective and what will drive business performance. The ultimate outcome of this mindset shift is a deeper sense of satisfaction, fulfillment, and a more expansive capacity to lead with integrity and purpose.

What that same shift can unlock for a woman in her motherhood

Let's apply these insights to a woman who has become a mother. As discussed in this previous blog, matrescence is an invitation for a woman to go on the personal journey to shift from conditioned to self-guided. What becomes possible for her once she answers that call?

The self-guided mindset offers mothers a transformative shift from being primarily shaped by external expectations—such as societal norms (hello patriarchal motherhood, maternal wall, motherhood penalty, etc.), family traditions, or others' opinions—toward becoming the creator of their own values, beliefs, and parenting style. In this new mindset, you move beyond simply trying to meet the expectations of others (like being the "perfect mom" or following conventional parenting standards). Instead, you take full ownership of your identity as a mother, defining what truly matters to you and your family. You become more confident in making choices that align with your personal values rather than feeling pressured by outside judgments. This shift empowers you to parent with greater clarity, authenticity, and inner strength, setting a powerful example for your children of what it means to live according to your own principles. It allows you to break free from the anxiety of comparison or "doing it right" and instead, create a family life that reflects your unique vision, fostering a sense of autonomy, purpose, and deep connection with your children.

The skills and talents that Matrescence can unlock

In the remainder of his blog I want to zoom in on the concrete skills and talents that are unlocked through Matrescence. I continue to draw on the parallel between leadership and motherhood, by using the same dimensions and skills that become available to leaders in a self-guided mindset. I have applied the perspective of parenting to these skills. There is ample research that shows that these skills and talents unlock through the mothering experience.

The Relating Dimension

This dimension measures your ability to connect with others in a way that brings out the best in your family. It includes:

• Collaborator: This is your ability to handle conflicts at home constructively, both between other family members and between you and other members. This will allow you to create an equal family life where you can share the load and advocate for everyone's needs (including yours).

• Mentoring & Developing: This is about your ability to know what it takes to develop and mentor your children in a way that is aligned with your parenting vision, without using control mechanisms. 

• Interpersonal Intelligence: This skill involves how effectively you listen to your family members, interpret their needs, manage emotions during conflicts, and ensure that everyone’s feelings are respected.

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The Self-Awareness Dimension

This dimension focuses on your personal growth as a parent and the extent to which self-awareness influences your parenting decisions.

• Selfless Leader: This skill is about fully coming to terms with the never-ending responsibilities towards our children and to surrender into living a life of service to their needs. That includes being aware of their need to have healthy parents in the long run, which means that you can only be selfless if you are not self-sacrificing. 

• Balance: This is not about finding a magical formula that ‘solves’ your balance. Balance is not about the exact right amount of work vs family time, but about being in balance with your own energy and knowing how to get back into balance when unbalanced.

• Composure: This is your ability to know and work with your nervous system, to ensure you can be as composed as possible in your parenting journey

• Personal Learner: This is about applying the growth mindset to yourself. Accepting mistakes, knowing that only through practice you get better. There will always be new challenges on the horizon in parenting. 

The Authenticity Dimension

This dimension measures your ability to parent with honesty, integrity, and courage.

• Integrity: This skill is about how well your actions align with the values you say you have, demonstrating consistency between what you say and what you do. This is  a work in progress in parenting, as we always have some blind spots

• Courageous Authenticity: This is about standing up for what is important to you. As parents, we are measured against societal norms that are not beneficial for us and not ours to carry. This is about how well you can deal with judgment and the fear of not being liked if you do things according to your values

The Systems Awareness Dimension

This dimension focuses on your ability to see the bigger picture in parenting and family life, understanding how your family is part of a bigger whole and your impact on community welfare

• Community Concern: This skill reflects your dedication to raising children who are aware of their role in the broader community, taking into account how your parenting makes a positive contribution to society

• Systems Thinker: This is the degree to which you think and act from a whole system perspective as well as the extent to which you make decisions in light of the long-term health of the broader system that makes up your family. This is also about solving the root cause of certain problems in the family instead of fixing symptoms. 

The Achieving Dimension

This dimension measures your ability to lead your family with vision and purpose, ensuring that everyone is moving toward shared goals.

• Purposeful & Visionary: This is about your ability to formulate clear values that your family wants to live by, and create a family environment centered on that shared purpose and vision.

• Achieves results: This is about how you are being productive amidst the never-ending demands of a family. This is the how of how you are getting all the things done in your household

• Decisiveness: This skill reflects your ability to make timely, confident decisions while navigating the unpredictable nature of family life. This is trusting the gut and looking for evidence when needed. 

I hope that with this blog post, it has become more concrete and clear what the potential is that can unlock in a mother through her motherhood. As I have said before, this is a long process that needs support, time and patience. If that is not available to a mother, it is not her fault that she is not making these shifts. The broader system still needs a lot of changing for this to become available to all mothers, everywhere in the world. But for now, let's remember that there is power in motherhood, and we can use that power, in small and in big ways, to make this world a better place for everyone.

In the Mother Mountain, the program I created for women who inherently know that motherhood, beyond pure bliss or struggle juggle, has the potential to lead them to their best careers and family lives, I will take you on this transformative journey. We will work with your matrescence experience to move through the mindset shift into the potential as described in this article. Check out this page to learn more.