Matrescence does not happen all at once, and it does not happen at the same pace for everyone. But it does move through a recognisable sequence.

The Matrescence Arc is a developmental framework I use to describe the passage through becoming a mother. It is the time axis of the matrescence framework: where the Map of Matrescence shows you the four domains of the transformation (where are you stuck?), the Arc shows you the route through it (will this end, and where does it go?).

The Arc has three phases. Shock and Revelation. The Long Middle. Growth and Redesign.

You do not move through them in a straight line. You can loop back. You can be in different phases in different domains of your life simultaneously. But they follow a developmental logic, and understanding that logic changes how you hold the difficulty at each stage.

What matrescence is, briefly

Matrescence is the developmental process of becoming a mother: biological, psychological, social, and existential at once. The term was coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s and reintroduced to contemporary research by psychologist Aurélie Athan. It is the adult equivalent of adolescence: not a temporary mood, not a phase to survive, but a genuine developmental transition with its own sequence and its own outcomes.

You move along the Arc. But you carry all four quadrants of the Map with you the whole way. The Arc is the route. The Map is the terrain.

The developmental perspectives underpinning the Arc

The Arc is not a model I invented in isolation. It draws on several lines of research and thinking that converge on the same pattern.

Adult Development Theory, the field mapping how adults continue to grow in mental complexity throughout life, describes a recognisable transition from a conditioned mindset (shaped by external expectations, socialized norms, and other people's definitions of success) to a self-authored mindset (built on internal values, authentic purpose, and the capacity to generate one's own compass). This transition does not happen automatically. It requires a destabilizing event significant enough to crack the existing meaning-making structure. Matrescence is precisely that event.

Martha Beck's research on women's transformation, drawing on interviews with hundreds of women, maps a five-phase framework from socialization through paradox, breaking point, transcendence, and re-creation, that traces almost exactly onto the three Arc phases. Beck's "breaking point" is the fulcrum of the Long Middle. Her "re-creation" phase is Growth and Redesign. Her observation that the breaking point is not the end but the beginning is one of the most important things a mother in Phase 2 can hear.

Aurélie Athan's research on postpartum flourishing (2011) showed that some mothers achieve what she calls flourishing through the matrescence experience: decreased negative emotions over time, with positive emotions spiralling upward. Critically, this flourishing did not correlate with having an easy birth or an uncomplicated postpartum period. It correlated with the capacity to hold both the positive and the negative dimensions of the experience. That capacity is the developmental achievement of Phase 3.

The neuroplasticity research (Hoekzema et al., 2017, Nature Neuroscience; Feldman, 2015, Trends in Neurosciences) establishes that the Arc is not just a psychological model: it has a biological substrate. The brain during matrescence is more open to change than at any other adult period. That openness is the mechanism that makes the transformation possible, and it is why working with the Arc intentionally, rather than simply surviving the phases, produces different outcomes.

Motherhood = leadership

Two of these fundamental perspectives are the exact same perspectives we use in leadership development. This is why Matrescence does not only develop you as a mother, but also in your professional capacity. You can read all about why motherhood = leadership here.

Phase 1: Revelation and Shock

Phase 1 begins with the arrival of the baby and can last well into the first year, sometimes longer. It is characterised by the collision between expectation and reality, and by the first encounters with everything nobody told you about this transition. It is important to mention that there is a significant group of moms who only get to 'shock' whit their 2nd child. The first time around, they managed to kind of continue their old version of self, and only with the second, when they least expect it (I'm already a mom after all), the identity shattering happens. Remember, this is not something to be scared of. Something beautiful awaits you after the journey.

What is happening developmentally: The conditioned self, the version of you that had a coherent identity, a clear sense of what you were good at, and a set of reliable structures for making sense of your life, encounters something it cannot assimilate without changing. The impact is disorienting by design. You cannot become a mother without losing the self you were before. That loss is the beginning of the transition, not a sign that something went wrong.

Danusia Malina describes what operates in this phase as "the Noise": the insistent cultural pressure that becomes belief, then rule, then conventional wisdom. The Noise is loudest in Phase 1, because it is the loudest in the presence of exhaustion, vulnerability, and identity disruption. You are at your most susceptible to the motherhood script exactly when you have the least capacity to question it.

What it feels like: Overwhelm. Identity loss. "I don't feel like myself." The shock of how different this is from what you expected. Disorientation at the scale of what has changed. Guilt about the feelings you are not supposed to have. The sense that other mothers are managing this better than you are. The question "am I a bad mother?" at 2am (or 2 pm. or any other time).

What the research shows: A measurable drop in self-esteem from birth, staying low through approximately 18 months, deepened by infant regulatory problems including crying, feeding difficulties, and sleep challenges (Grolleman et al., 2022). The expectations-reality gap is documented across multiple countries: 21% of women found pregnancy easy, but only 5% found early motherhood easy (Lorén et al., 2024). The system prepared you for birth. It did not prepare you for this.

What does not help in Phase 1: Trying to resolve the disorientation quickly. Optimising your way back to who you were. Measuring yourself against a pre-motherhood baseline. Following expert advice that assumes a standard baby in a standard situation. Trying to "bounce back."

What does help: A name for what you are in: Matrescence. Understanding that the disorientation is the developmental process, not evidence of personal failure. Permission to let the old self go without having to already know who is coming next. Making time for this transformation. Don't be in a hurry.

Phase 2: The Long Middle (Reclamation)

Phase 2 is the most sustained and the hardest to navigate. It has no clear beginning and no clear end. It is the part of the arc where the old self has been dismantled and the new one has not yet solidified. You are, as Martha Beck describes it, in the space between forms: no longer who you were, not yet who you are becoming.

What is happening developmentally: The Long Middle is the phase where the actual work of the transition happens. The conditioned self is breaking down: the values you inherited, the definitions of success you absorbed, the sense of self that was built on external validation and achievement. This is the phase Adult Development Theory describes as the move from conditioned to self-authored: away from "who I should be" toward "who I actually am."

It is also the phase where the maternal saboteurs are loudest (the inner critics described in Positive Intelligence, the internalized voices of the script and old patterns). They arrive most reliably in Phase 2 because Phase 2 is the phase of sitting with the discomfort rather than resolving it. The saboteurs want resolution. They want the tension to end. The developmental work of Phase 2 is learning to stay with the tension rather than escaping it.

What it feels like: Exhaustion. The sense that this is taking longer than it should. Alternating between glimpses of a new clarity and falling back into old confusion. The feeling that you have lost something you cannot name. Deep questioning of what you want, what matters, what success means for you now. Sometimes anger. Sometimes grief. The recognition, if you have been doing the work, that the self you were before was also a performance.

What the research shows: The Long Middle is the phase associated with the confidence dip (Grolleman et al., 2022, deep through approximately 18 months), with the highest incidence of maternal ambivalence, and with the work of what Athan describes as "negative capability": the capacity to sit in uncertainty without grasping for resolution. Beck's research found that women at the "breaking point" of this phase, the moment when the strain of holding contradictory demands becomes impossible to sustain, are not approaching the end. They are approaching the threshold of Phase 3.

The breaking point is not the end. It is the beginning of what comes next.

What does not help in Phase 2: Trying to skip it. Performing resolution that has not happened. Using the script as a shortcut to certainty when genuine values-based certainty has not yet formed. Judging the length of this phase against an externally imposed timeline.

What does help: Being able to name it as Phase 2. Understanding that the discomfort is the process, not a sign you are failing it. Working with the saboteurs explicitly rather than being run by them. Building the capacity to hold paradox: both things are true, and that is survivable. And know that you can't comfortably navigate this alone. You need someone to lean on. A good friend or family member who understands this process and whom you trust, or a professional to support you. This is the work Babette does with Mother on MY Terms.

Phase 3: Growth and Redesign

Phase 3 is not the end of matrescence. It is the phase where the transition begins to yield something new. The developmental work of Phase 3 is not recovery. It is not going back to who you were before. It is building forward from what the transition has made available.

What is happening developmentally: The self-authored mindset is beginning to cohere. You have a clearer sense of your own values, distinct from the script's demands. You are building a sense of worth that comes from inside, not from achievement or external validation. You are beginning to experience the qualities that matrescence has built in you: the empathy, the decisiveness, the capacity to hold paradox, the authenticity that comes from having been stripped of the pretences that were easier to hold before the baby arrived.

Martha Beck calls this phase "Re-creation": building a life that honors your authentic self rather than the roles society assigned. Athan's flourishing research found that the mothers who reached this phase were not free of struggle. They were able to hold the struggle without it being a verdict.

What it feels like: A new clarity about what matters. The beginning of recognition: that you are not the person you were before, and that this is not a loss but an expansion. The capacity to enjoy your children in ways that were not available in Phase 1 or 2. A different relationship with your work: less about performance, more about meaning. The beginning of the answer to the question "what kind of mother would I be if I no longer had to follow the script?"

What the research shows: Frederickson's Broaden-and-Build theory (which Athan applies to postpartum flourishing) describes the upward spiral that becomes available in Phase 3: positive emotions mobilise lasting personal resources, cognitive, social, psychological, physical, that in turn generate more positive emotions and further growth. The trajectory is not linear, but it is real. And Grolleman et al. (2022) confirm that self-esteem, which dropped at birth and stayed low through Phase 1 and much of Phase 2, continues rising through Phase 3 and often exceeds the pre-birth baseline.

What does not help in Phase 3: Assuming the work is done. The Phase 3 version of the script has different content ("you should be flourishing by now") but the same structure. Comparing your Phase 3 to another mother's Phase 3.

What does help: Building a life that is genuinely designed for who you are becoming, not retrofitted to who you were before. Naming and claiming the capacities that matrescence has built. Working with the Matrescence Arc and the Map of Matrescence not just to survive the transition but to use it, to built a life that you TRUELY want.

What moves you through

Time alone is not what moves you through the Arc. Some mothers stay in Phase 2 for years, not because they are deficient but because the conditions, internal and external, for completing the transition are not present.

What moves you through is a combination of three things.

The first is understanding what is happening. The disorientation is easier to hold when it has a name, a cause, and a map. Athan's research on matrescence-informed education shows that mothers who understand the developmental nature of the transition report greater resilience, reduced inadequacy, and faster movement through the phases (Trinko, Athan & Rosenblum, 2025).

The second is the right kind of support: not advice about how to perform better, but recognition that the transition is real, structural, and deserving of time and space. The neuroplasticity window (Feldman, 2015) shows that the potential for transformation is real, but it requires conditions to complete. When those conditions exist, the development happens. When they do not, the window closes.

The third is intentional engagement with the transition rather than passive survival of it. The mothers who flourish through matrescence are not the ones who had an easier time. They are the ones who engaged with what the transition was asking of them rather than waiting for it to be over.

That intentional engagement is the work of Mother on MY Terms.

The Arc and the Map together

The Arc answers "will this end, and where does it go?" The Map answers "where am I stuck right now?"

You carry all four Map quadrants, your inner world, your body and brain, your relationships, and the systems you live in, through all three Arc phases. The terrain does not change as you move along the route. But your relationship to it changes. A relationship challenge that is overwhelming in Phase 1 becomes navigable in Phase 3. An identity question that has no answer in Phase 2 begins to resolve in Phase 3.

Read together, the Map and the Arc give you a complete picture of where you are and what the passage looks like from here.

About Babette Lockefeer

Babette Lockefeer is the founder of Matermorphosis and an expert at the intersection of leadership development and matrescence. The Matrescence Arc is part of the Matermorphosis framework she developed for navigating the transformation of becoming a mother with intention. She works with moms to help them navigate this immense transformation and reap the benefits of the invitation matrescence brings

Matermorphosis · matermorphosis.com

Frequently asked questions about the Matrescence Arc

What is the Matrescence Arc? The Matrescence Arc is a developmental framework describing the three phases that mothers move through during matrescence, the developmental process of becoming a mother. The three phases are: Phase 1, Shock and Revelation (the collision between expectation and reality, the loss of the pre-mother self); Phase 2, The Long Middle or Reclamation (the sustained middle ground where the old self has been dismantled and the new one has not yet solidified); and Phase 3, Growth and Redesign (the emergence of a more authentic, self-authored version of yourself, built from what the transition has made available). The Arc is the TIME axis of the Matermorphosis framework. The Map of Matrescence is the SPACE axis.

How long does each phase last? There is no fixed timeline. Phase 1 typically corresponds broadly to the first year of the child's life, though it can extend. Phase 2, The Long Middle, is the most variable: it can last months or years, and its length is shaped significantly by the support conditions available, the degree of intentional engagement with the transition, and the structural circumstances of a mother's life. Phase 3 does not have an endpoint: it is the ongoing phase of living from what the transition has built. On average, research suggests the core transformation moves through a minimum of two to three years.

Can you be in more than one phase at the same time? Yes. The Arc describes the overall direction of the developmental passage, not a strict sequential lock. You can be in Phase 3 in your professional identity while still in Phase 2 in your relationship. You can experience Phase 3 moments in the middle of a sustained Phase 2 period. The Arc is a navigational framework, not a checklist.

What is The Long Middle? The Long Middle is the second phase of the Matrescence Arc: the most sustained and most difficult phase of the transition, where the old self has been dismantled by the experience of becoming a mother and the new one has not yet fully formed. It is characterised by exhaustion, identity questioning, alternating moments of clarity and confusion, grief for the self that was, and deep uncertainty about what comes next. Martha Beck's research describes this phase as the "breaking point": not the end of the transition, but its hinge. The breaking point is not a sign that the process is failing. It is the threshold to what comes next.

What is the difference between the Matrescence Arc and the Map of Matrescence? The Map of Matrescence is the SPACE framework: it describes the four quadrants of the matrescence experience (inner world / identity, body and brain, relationships, and systems) and answers the question "where am I stuck?" The Matrescence Arc is the TIME framework: it describes the developmental sequence of the transition and answers the question "how do I move through this, and will it end?" You move along the Arc but carry all four Map quadrants with you throughout. The Map shows the terrain. The Arc shows the route.