Motherhood is Leadership [part 2]

[This is part two of a 2-part blog where I share about the potential of motherhood. Read part 1 here]

In the previous blog, I shared about the potential that is embedded in the mothering journey. In this part, I want to deep dive into a profound realization that came through my journey as a mom and career in leadership:

motherhood is leadership

Defining Leadership

First, let's define leadership.

Leaders are those who influence. Influencing others through taking ownership over your own influence.  In this context, ‘leader’ is not a role, but a consequence of behavior.

This means that you do not have to be in a 'leadership role' to be a leader. Not now not in the past. This definition implies that a lot of people who are leaders, do not think of themselves as leaders. One of these groups is moms.

The Personal Transformation in Leadership

Research on leadership development consistently shows that effective leadership—meaning the ability to achieve positive, sustainable, moral, and long-term outcomes—depends more on a person's mindset and beliefs than on specific skills. The Leadership Circle's groundbreaking research highlights that effective leaders must reach a certain level of mental complexity, which involves developing more nuanced perspectives about themselves and the world.

This idea is rooted in Adult Development theory, a field of research where dozens of researchers have suggested that people evolve through discernible patterns of increasing mental complexity. This starts in childhood and has the potential to continue our whole lives.

This evolution is not linear or easy. It often feels like being stuck or lost, literally shedding old patterns before new ones have crystallized. It often feels frightening because the process asks to let go of things that served you in the past, while new ways have not fully emerged yet. Leadership development programs are designed to help release old patterns, nudging individuals to shift their mindsets and beliefs by going on a journey that feels initially scary and often brings up resistance. In essence, leadership development is first and foremost about personal transformation.

During adolescence, the primary developmental goal is to become a "socialized version" of oneself, enabling success within societal norms: holding a job, running a household, having a relationship. However, the developmental stage that follows socialization is about authentication—discovering who you truly are, along with your purpose and values, independent of society’s expectations.

Many people instinctively sense this developmental invitation, as evidenced by the widespread 'search for purpose' in adulthood in the last decade. From a developmental psychology perspective, this is precisely the invitation of adulthood: to move beyond socialization and into authenticity. Successfully navigating this transformation offers a new perspective on the self and the world. For the first time, self-worth is built from within, based on what you think of yourself rather than external validation. This transformation fundamentally shifts mindsets, beliefs, and patterns of thinking into a mode that invites more spaciousness, creativity, and joy in life. Life becomes more real and more effortless.

Research shows that effective leadership becomes possible once a person has undergone this transformation toward authenticity. What emerges from this place is a deep understanding of one's purpose, the courage to pursue that vision, a balanced self-awareness, and more inclusive ways of relating to others and the broader community.

Matrescence as a Pathway to Leadership

It is no coincidence that adolescence precedes matrescence (the process of becoming a mother) for many in society. Matrescence, with its transitional and paradoxical nature, inherently invites the transformation that follows upon socialization: authentication. A woman who experiences transformational growth through Matrescence undergoes the necessary deep challenges to ultimately become a more authentic version of herself. As the research indicates (see blog part 1), she develops greater mental complexity, learns to navigate paradoxes, and embraces a new meaning in life.

While it often takes years and significant external effort to guide leaders through this transition, a mother naturally undergoes the same process as part of her mothering experience. It is the EXACT SAME transition.

Accelerated Change Through Motherhood

One of the most fascinating aspects of matrescence is the enhanced neuroplasticity mothers experience, particularly in the early stages. This heightened ability to learn and adapt makes the transformation quicker and more profound. This window of enhanced neuroplasticity is the only time in adulthood when such rapid brain changes can occur.

In other words, mothers can achieve the kind of personal growth and leadership development that typically takes years for others, in a much shorter time frame by leveraging their unique neuroplastic enhancement window.

Leadership Skills Developed in Motherhood

Let’s revisit the skills associated with effective leadership:

• Relationships with others: empathy, collaboration, support, trust

• Self-awareness: emotional regulation, self-knowledge, willingness to learn

• Authenticity, courage, and integrity

• Purpose & Vision

• Decisiveness

• Community concern and awareness

While you may not be thinking about professional development while mothering, research increasingly shows that these are precisely the skills you’re cultivating in parenthood.

Different angles, same conclusion

Although there is hardly any research drawing a direct comparison between leadership skills and mothering, several resources are pointing in that direction.

1.       Frederickson's Broaden-and-Build theory, which explores the transformational potential of motherhood (see blog part 1), supports this idea. The theory suggests that positive emotions help individuals mobilize lasting personal resources—cognitive (focused attention), psychological (a sense of mastery), social (giving and receiving support), and physical (boosting the immune system). On an interpersonal level, feelings of closeness and trust increase, setting people on a growth trajectory that leads to more positive emotions and further growth.

2.       The part of the brain that undergoes significant changes during Matrescence is called the "caregiving network." This area of the brain manages self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and responsiveness to others. Need we say more about the impact on collaboration and leading others!?

3.       There is one other resource that I have come across that links parenting skills to leadership skills directly. A qualitative study of 250 ambitious parents by Amy Henderson further confirms this. In her book, Tending: Parenthood and the future of work, she found that 80% of her interviewees developed enhanced capacities in emotional intelligence, courage, purpose, efficiency, and collaboration—skills directly related to effective leadership.

So besides the fundamental transformational growth that can happen through Matrescence to shift mindsets and belief patterns, the actual skills needed to lead are also developed through mothering. Awe-inspiring, is it not!?

Fathers and Other Caregivers, This Could Be You Too

Although this blog focuses on mothers, the research of Professor Feldman shows that it’s not just birthing mothers who have access to increased neuroplasticity and the development of the caregiving network. Anyone who spends significant time nurturing a baby as their primary caregiver experiences similar brain changes. While the transformation in fathers and other caregivers who are actively and intimately involved in caring for the baby follows a slightly different pattern, the ultimate outcomes are very close. [Ruth Feldman, 2019 & The nurture revolution, Greer Kirshenbaum]

So, dads and partners, if you need more reasons to convince your employer to allow paternity or parental leave, remind them that you’re not just bonding with your baby—you’re also engaging in leadership development. Plus, you’ll be contributing to a more equal division of household and caregiving tasks with your partner (which, in turn, is great for her leadership development).

Conclusion - Motherhood is a profound form of leadership

Motherhood is a profound form of leadership. The personal transformation that occurs through Matrescence equips mothers with the mindsets, beliefs, and skills necessary for effective leadership—often faster and deeper than traditional leadership pathways. And it’s not just mothers—fathers and other primary caregivers can experience similar growth.

✨We need to start talking about this, we need to further understand this, and we need to shift our perceptions about motherhood and leadership as two domains that could hardly be further apart from each other.

✨We need to start telling moms that they matter, that they have power and influence, that their mothering is not some dull, unimportant job that they need to hide in their private sphere.

✨We need to start shifting our perception that mothering is an inconvenience for an employer and that working moms are less capable and dedicated to their work.

If we do that, we can leverage the enormous potential and power that sits with moms, to help break through the systemic inequalities that still persist in today's world, to make Mother Earth a better place for everyone and everything on it.

Do you want to help do that? Spread the word or dive deeper into your own matrescence experience!

 This blog is written by Babette Lockefeer, mom of 3 and founder of Matermorphosis. Through Mother on MY Terms, Babette helps ambitious mothers have a career that matters without compromising how they want to raise their children — no self-erasure or powering through required. This transformational program guides women through the identity shift of matrescence using evidence-based tools, helping them create the life they REALLY want. 80% of participants get promoted or make successful career transitions.

Ready to mother on YOUR terms?

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